The Twins Travel

The Top Ten 1. Showering in bare feet 2. Not having to walk to the shower or latrine 3. Being able to get up in the middle of the night and go pee w/out ever waking up (see #2) 4. Baths 5. Basing your choice of meals on what you're in the mood for and NOT what's under the heat lamp 6. Toilets/showers w/doors 7. Not wearing the same thing every day 8. Sundays on the couch 10. Being alone. Even when you think you're alone, you're not. There is always someone w/in 6 feet of you...even when asleep or on the toilet

At the request of my friend Jones (her name is Kathryn, but she's just Jones) I am adding the following: "Could I recommend that a future blog be on people who have 60 minute DAILY shower/facial/beauty regimen that they insist on performing even while deployed and everyone has to share the same facilities. Maybe you don't have to deal with that. Maybe you are one of those people. But I did have to deal with those shenanigans and by the end of my tour I just wanted to rip open the shower curtain and yell "REALLY?" as they were making all kinds of strange/disgusting/alien sounds that NOBODY want to hear in the shower. However you can't yell at people while they are IN the shower because then you are labeled the crazy person who violates people's privacy in the shower/latrine. And quite frankly, that trumps any weirdo sounds or beauty practices by people who can stretch a 10 minute shower into a 60 minute ordeal (for everyone!)...damn." Now, let m...

I walk into the shower trailer one day and as I am undressing, see a pair of red, lace thong underpants on a pile of clothes belonging to someone already in the shower. Now, there is only one reason a women wears that kind of underwear and that is for a man. So of course my next thought is " someone's getting some". Now I know some of you are thinking that's very unfair of me and she could just be wearing them because they make her feel sexy & good about herself. However, I don't care how comfortable a thong is, when it's a 100 degrees outside and you're sweating every ounce of water you're drinking and have developed a serious case of swamp ass, EVERYTHING chafes . Now you have to add lace into the equation & you've probably just ruined a very nice pair of panties you paid way too much money for anyway. Also, consider if she had the misfortune of being injured during a rocket/mortar attack. When you are taken to the CASH/hospital, they cu...

The senses are a wondrous thing, equally delighting and assaulting a person a various times. Sight Delight: a beautiful sunset Assault: fat hairy man in a speedo Taste Delight: rich, decadent chocolate Assault: chow hall food (I think bland should be added to the list of flavors) Sound Delight: a child's laugh Assault: a child's scream Touch Delight: smooth silk Assault: wood splinter from the rough hewn desk top you work at And then there is smell... Delight: fresh laundry, your favorite perfume Assault: the latrine trailer, the unwashed masses of third country nationals Being deployed is almost a continuous assault on the olfactory nerve. Take, for instance, the latrines. While I am glad they are actual toilets and not port-a-johns (which have their own unique smell), they are basically one big port-a-john on a septic tank that has to be sucked out every day. The degree of smell varies from one trailer to the next and you learn to associate the smell with where you are. M...

Fobbit : a person who spends their entire deployment on one Forward Operating Base (FOB) and never leaves the confines of the heavily guarded perimeter. I thought I would give you all a glimpse into my daily routine. So, here it is: 0048: Get woken up by B-hut mate coming in from her shift. Very similar to the sound of a herd of elephants attempting the Sugar Plum Fairy dance from the Nutcracker 0530/45: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze at least three times before rolling out of bed and heading to the shower trailer. -- Literally a conex shipping container that has been stacked on top of another conex shipping container. The lower container is the latrine - more on that later. 0630/40: Start walking to work. Salute multitude of officers along the way because there is only one main road that EVERYONE walks along. No short cuts here. Obviously the camp commander never walks anywhere, because if he did this stretch of walk-way would be a no salute area. Grab chow on the way...

I finally made it after spending almost four days in Germany sitting around the terminal. Eventually, I think it came down to timing - it was the last day of the month and the aircrew wanted to get their two months of tax free. (cynical? Who me?) I can't get into to many details of life here or what I do, but I can give the basics. I live in a B-hut (I have not idea why it's called that). It is basically a plywood tent that has been divided into "rooms". My 'room' is about 6'x7'. I have a bed, a wall-locker, a lamp...really what more do you need? I work about a 20 minute walk from where I live, so I'm getting my exercise every day. Plus, I've been really good about working out everyday after I get off work. What I REALLY want to do is go right to bed, but I know I won't get up in the morning to work out so I force myself. The food is deployed chow hall food. It's not really that different from the food I ate in Iraq. We aren...